Newsletter part 3: The black dog... But God
The black dog barks on the edge of the beach… It may seem as if it is barking in the wind, but the barking is aimed at the majestic ships that sail past on the horizon, where heaven and earth seems to meet. He follows them actively, always threatening, always with teeth bared, always ready to scratch at cabin doors should he ever get the chance to attack. If he were to attack, his prey would be caught unawares, perhaps just vulnerable in that moment of attack. Sometimes, if he were to succeed, his bite could be fatal.
The stories about seamen falling prey to his jaws are becoming more commonplace. Apparently, depression is not only the illness of our time, it has become the illness of the open seas too...
That is the thread of the news that Loffie receives early from the harbour. A ship is on its way to anchor in the harbour. For one of the men, the bite proved to be fatal. He was alone in his cabin, after months of being cooped up and without a sliver of hope to go home – and that because of a virus that has transformed the world into a thoroughly disarrayed place. Tragically the man severed the thin line between life and death.
It takes a long time before Loffie is allowed on board. There is a sombre mood and the ship is full of policemen and harbour officials that must investigate the incident. It takes practised and exact bureaucratic gymnastics to obtain access to the ship.
What he finds, is predictable. The fifteen Philippine men sit there, confused, without words, shocked and longing for normality. They watch Loffie silently and questioningly. The Captain requested the visit by Loffie and his colleagues. Loffie knows that there are no instant cures or soothes to nurse the wounds of a friend and colleague that left an empty cabin. With great care and compassion, he starts the long journey with each of the men. For now, he is just there, without doing anything drastically, or without any interventions to change things. Getting better requires time and that time is different for each individual.
Now, much later, one by one arrive to chat. It is clear that the black dog’s attentions reach wider than many people may imagine. Some of the men should have been home a half year ago, but in the current situation it is not possible and it shatters the nerves. It is as if the black dog found a soft spot and holds on...
Loffie can only listen. No education, nor learned words can save the men from their reality. The only thing he can offer, is a very simple assurance: BUT God....
In a few days they will be on their way again. Their hearts still raw, still broken, still afraid, but now with a certain knowledge: BUT God....
Loffie offered mass, the wine and bread as remembrance and a reminder that after the comma, there is a BUT... This is a guarantee in spite of storms and the bitter waters of life. There is a BUT, ‘It is My body, it is My blood’.
When the ship will be about to disappear over the horizon, the black dog will be there, still barking, BUT God...